A Father's Love

My first day back at work is tomorrow but at the moment I'm indulged in Rebecca Woolf's "Rockabye." I have this awful habit where if a book is good, I neglect all things and forget to put the book down.

In short, she is a 23 year old 'rockstar' sort of figure who suddenly finds out she is pregnant. Her and her boyfriend elope to Vegas and gets married, she then has a son named Archer. I just finished reading the chapter where she gave birth and she is now holding her son Archer in her arms. She writes:

"This is what it feels like to love somebody. However I defined love before now seems so terribly off. So not like this. When I look over at Hal (her husband), I know he knows. And I think how from this moment forward, no matter what happens, Hal will be the only person in the world who understands the way I feel. The only person in the history of histories who can look at Archer with the same eyes, no matter how differently we may look at each other or the world. I have never felt so close to anybody as I do right now with him, because we did this together."

I wonder if Jeremy's father would see Jeremy the way I do, if he were to see him now for the first time. Would he love him the way I do? Sacrifice for him the way I would? Would three months of separation change a father's love?.

It makes me sad that I don't have this other person to share this intimate experience with. It's true that the only other person that could fully feel for Jeremy the way I feel for him is his father. The only other person involved in creating this beautiful, perfect being has chosen to not be a part of his life or mine.

But then I look at Jeremy, I look at the way he smiles, the way he falls asleep, the way he looks into my eyes, and then I realize it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that I don't have a husband to share this experience with, for I've gained something far better, I've gained a son.